Avoidant Attachment

You don't need anyone.

(And that's exactly the problem)

You’ve made yourself easy to be around and hard to get close to. You show up, you’re dependable, you’re even warm, but there’s a line, somewhere, that no one quite crosses. Not partners. Maybe not even friends. Maybe not even you. You keep things moving, keep things light, keep things fine. And when something threatens to go deeper… when someone gets too close, or a feeling gets too big … there’s a pull to withdraw. To go quiet. To need a little space.

You’ve been handling things alone for so long it doesn’t even feel like a choice anymore. It just feels like who you are. You don’t burden people. You don’t make things complicated. You’re the one others lean on — not the other way around. And on the surface, it works.

But fine is doing a lot of work. Because there’s a difference between not needing people and not letting yourself need people. And somewhere in the gap between those two things, something is quietly going missing.

You’re here. Which means some part of you knows that

You don't need anyone. That's not a flex. That's a wound.

On the outside, avoidant attachment can look like:

Prioritizing independence — and quietly priding yourself on not needing anyone
Keeping relationships casual, undefined, or at a comfortable distance
Going quiet or pulling away when someone gets emotionally close
Avoiding hard conversations, or shutting down completely when conflict arises
Staying busy — work, hobbies, a packed schedule — without realizing it’s a buffer against closeness
Sharing very little about your inner world, even with people you genuinely care about
Finding yourself irritated by partners or friends who seem “too needy” or “too emotional”
Running hot and cold: warm and open one moment, distant and unreachable the next

On the inside, avoidant attachment can feel like:

Feeling trapped or overwhelmed when someone wants more from you — even when you care about them
Knowing you want closeness, but feeling inexplicably safer at arm’s length
Going blank, numb, or checked out when emotions in the room run high
Having very little language for what you actually feel beyond fine or stressed or tired
A low hum of loneliness — alongside a genuine uncertainty about how to let people in without losing yourself
A secret fear that you’re just not built for this. That something in you is missing or broken.

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My Approach to working with avoidant attachment

Most people with avoidant attachment have spent years understanding it. You’ve probably read about it, recognized yourself in it, maybe even traced it back to where it started. And still — the pattern persists.

That’s because avoidant attachment isn’t a thinking problem. It lives in the body, in the nervous system, in the automatic responses that fire before your mind has a chance to catch up. Insight alone doesn’t reach it.

The work here operates on several levels at once.

The relationship itself becomes the work.

What happens between us in the room — the moments you go quiet, the urge to keep things surface-level, the subtle ways closeness gets managed — these aren’t obstacles to therapy. They’re the material. Relational therapy means the therapeutic relationship itself becomes a place to practice something different: being known, staying present, letting someone in without losing ground. What shows up here is a microcosm of what shows up everywhere else.

We work with the body, not just the story.

Through somatic awareness and Brainspotting, we go where talk alone can’t reach — the places in the body where disconnection lives, where feelings get suppressed before they’re even recognized. You don’t have to perform emotion or push through anything. We follow what’s actually happening, at a pace your system can tolerate.

We work with the parts of you that developed this.

Using a parts-based approach, we get curious about the part that pulls away, the part that stays busy, the part that decided long ago that needing people wasn’t safe. These parts aren’t problems to eliminate — they’re protective responses that made sense once. Understanding them changes your relationship to them.

We consider how it developed.

A psychoanalytic lens helps us understand the relational history that shaped your attachment patterns — not to endlessly revisit the past, but to make sense of why the present keeps looking the way it does.

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Prioritize your mental health and self-care from the comfort of your home.

Schedule a phone consult here. We’ll chat about any questions you might have, and it’ll be an opportunity for me to learn more about you and what you’re going through.

Testimonials

I tried two Betterhelp therapists before I came here.. wow the difference between the quality of therapy is notable. Quality therapy is different. My therapist isn't distracted. She remembers what I tell her and notices patterns. I'm glad I didn't just give up on therapy when it didn't pan out the first two times.

I originally had some anxiety about therapy but it's been helpful to talk through that along with other childhood issues I've been dealing with.

I've met Priscilla through our supervision group through the years. As a therapist myself, I can tell she is very punctual, empathetic, compassionate and an excellent listener. She also is resourceful and has wonderful clinical training especially in trauma and working with first generation American adults. You are in good hands, I highly recommend her!

After working alongside Priscilla for several years, I can confidently say that she is a highly competent psychotherapist. She is knowledgeable, empathic, self-aware, respectful - qualities that make for the best therapists! Priscilla has advanced training in psychodynamic therapy and specializes in treating, among other conditions, high-functioning anxiety, complex PTSD, unresolved childhood trauma, and difficulties related to self-esteem. Her approach to therapy is one that goes beyond teaching coping skills to assist her clients in their journey toward emotional wellness and self-discovery...

Priscilla is a wonderful colleague. She is a kind, insightful, and attentive therapist who is committed to her patients’ growth and who will support them throughout their journeys.

Frequently Asked Questions

about therapy for avoidant attachment

Isn't being independent a good thing?

Yes. And there’s a difference between healthy independence and compulsive self-sufficiency. One is a choice. The other is a defense. Avoidant attachment isn’t about valuing your autonomy; it’s about your nervous system treating closeness as a threat, even when you consciously want connection. The goal of this work isn’t to make you dependent. It’s to make intimacy feel like a choice rather than a danger.

I function well in my life. Do I actually need therapy?

Avoidant attachment is often invisible from the outside — and sometimes from the inside too. High functioning and deeply defended often go together. If your relationships keep hitting the same ceiling, if loneliness coexists with a full life, if you’ve noticed a pattern you can’t seem to think your way out of. That’s worth paying attention to. Functioning isn’t the same as flourishing.

What if I don't know how to talk about my feelings?

That’s not a prerequisite. It’s often part of what we’re working on. Many people with avoidant attachment have limited access to their emotional experience. Words like fine, stressed, or tired do a lot of heavy lifting. We don’t start with feelings you don’t have language for. We start with what’s actually present, including the blankness, the not-knowing, the sense that nothing is wrong but something is off.

Will therapy just make me more dependent or emotional?

This comes up often, and it makes sense. If your system is organized around self-sufficiency, the idea of “opening up” can feel like a loss of control. The work isn’t about dismantling your defenses; it’s about having more choice about when you use them. Most people find they don’t become more dependent; they become more present.

What if I've tried therapy before and it didn't help?

Traditional talk therapy has limits for avoidant attachment, particularly if it stayed in the cognitive lane: analyzing, understanding, reflecting, but never quite shifting the pattern. The approaches used here work with the body and the nervous system directly, and use the therapeutic relationship itself as a site of change. If you’ve had insight without movement, this may be why.

Is this for romantic relationships only?

Not at all. Avoidant attachment shapes friendships, family dynamics, and your relationship with your own emotional life. The pull toward distance, the discomfort with being known, the tendency to go quiet under pressure; these show up everywhere. The work is relational, not relationship-specific.

How long will therapy last?

Therapy can last any time between a year to many more, as long as you are still progressing from our work. The length of therapy depends on what you want and need, and what you want/need can be fluid and dynamic.

Healing and personal growth is not strict or predictable. You can start off by wanting to address something very specific (e.g. “I want to feel less anxious”), but through our work together could realize a deeper meaning to these anxious symptoms (e.g. “I feel anxious because I am terrified of intimacy” to “I’ve had very familiar experiences of being emotionally suffocated when I was close to people”). Realizing these deeper long-standing issues may then shape the focus and length of treatment.

Regardless of why you are seeking therapy and how long you hope to be in treatment, it is important to remember that your thoughts and input are invaluable to me, and the pace and length of treatment will always be a collaborative discussion.

How often are therapy sessions?

Meeting consistently and stably on a weekly basis will help build safety and trust, which is essential for the work to progress on a deeper level. Biweekly sessions impact the effectiveness of therapy.

Often, meeting less frequently results in a ‘catch up’ type of session and does not allow for the time, space, and emotional capacity needed to address what goes on beneath the surface.

Depending on the level of our work, there are also times when meeting two or more times a week is appropriate, and that will always come from us talking and making that decision together.

Are therapy sessions covered by my insurance?

If you have out-of-network benefits, your insurance may be able to reimburse you for approximately 50%-80% of each session after the out-of-network deductible is met.

Out-of-network psychotherapy coverage varies by carrier and policy. It can be confusing, but we’re here to help! If you aren’t sure whether or not you have out-of-network benefits, we can check for you. Just email your insurance card and date of birth to info@imagineemotionalwellness.com

How do I get started?

Here are 3 simple steps.